Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 24 September 2025
Hark, ye perpetually bewildered and politically exhausted citizens of Sanctimonia! Our King, a man whose every expression now screams “overwhelmed,” has decided that the best way to lead is to become a divine being. He has taken the position of the God of Apollo in the ongoing assembly session, sitting in a state of regal confusion, unable to decide which matters deserve his attention.
The assembly, in a perfect reflection of its leader, is functioning for an average of a mere twenty minutes a day.
The King’s Contradictions
In a baffling display of royal pride, the King has given the figures of women’s atrocities in the kingdom, proudly revealing the grim statistics to a public that already knows the truth. In the same breath, he boasts of the widespread fraud in the issuance of ration cards, as if this chaos is a badge of honor. He then follows it up with news that after forty-five days, the owner of a vehicle in a hit-and-run case has finally been arrested, a belated act of justice that does little to comfort a kingdom plagued by daily crimes.
The Subhadra Yojana, a scheme meant to help the people, is now a source of deep pain. The King knows that the list of beneficiaries is filled with names that simply do not exist, a ghost registry that is a painful reminder of the kingdom’s corruption.
A Royal Betrayal
In a move that has left the titular king sulking, the ornaments of the Holy Triad have been shifted to the royal treasury. The titular king was not even informed, all thanks to our ever-meddling Law Minister. It seems our Law Minister, in his relentless pursuit of power, is a master of both road potholes and religious jewelry.
And to top it all off, the King’s plan to have a meeting with the Super King has been thwarted by the weather. He now has to find a new venue, a minor inconvenience for him, but another headache for his already overworked staff. The King, in a last-ditch effort to win over the hearts of the people, has announced a “kitty” for each puja pandal in Dhenkanal during the upcoming Laxmi Puja celebration, a small gesture to distract from the kingdom’s larger issues.
But the most disturbing of all is the dog census, which has now become another headache for the King. The netizens, however, have no time for such royal follies. They are a deeply disturbed lot. They have given up on their earthly leaders and now only look to the sky for rains and sun, hoping that one day, the Holy Triad will appear among the clouds and save them from a kingdom that is filled with contradictions and run by men who have lost their way.
