Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 17 September 2025
Hark, ye long-suffering and surprisingly short-changed citizens of Sanctimonia! Today was the 75th birthday of the Super King, and our king, in a grand display of fealty, had a plan. He would plant 75 lakh saplings, a symbolic gesture of growth and prosperity. But alas, a cruel twist of fate struck. When the king’s men went to the forest department to get the saplings, they found the nursery flooded. The rains had claimed the saplings, a grim first casualty in this birthday bungle.
Frustrated, the king went to Plan ‘B’: a blood donation camp. But the netizens, ever so loyal to their traditions, were busy with their puja. The law minister, in a rare fit of anger, saw the poor attendance and lashed out by doing a poor road repair, which he had promised before the festive season. The potholes, it seems, were a direct result of his fury. The netizens, in their own act of silent protest, boycotted the Super King’s birthday celebration.
In a final, desperate act of public relations, the king went around the capital, sweeping the roads. But his efforts were in vain. The broom, a tool of his own choosing, was old and worn, creating more dust than it was collecting.
A Kingdom of Contradictions
Beneath the veneer of political spectacle, a grim reality is unfolding. Atrocities against women, including gang rapes and public beatings, are on the rise. The police, who are supposed to be taking care of crime, were busy getting criminals and rogues from the jails to plant saplings. Their focus, it seems, is on fulfilling a symbolic quota of 75 lakh, not on ensuring the safety of the women in the kingdom.
The milk, which had become too expensive for the common folk, has now become cheaper due to a reduction in GST. But in a move that can only be described as Sanctimonian, the vending outlets are still charging the old, high price. The reason? The government order has not reached them. It is widely whispered that the food minister is taking his own little cut of the profits, a classic case of greed triumphing over public good.
Our Law Minister, in his quest to be the most technologically advanced bureaucrat in the land, is busy trying to put jamming satellites to stop the drones flying above the Holy Triad’s temple. But the drone flyers, ever the entrepreneurs, have gotten smarter. They’ve found a new app, called ‘Discord,’ which is being used in the neighboring kingdom to run their entire democratic process. They can now bypass the jamming satellites and capture every moment of the Holy Triad’s grand splendor.
The jester, in his wisdom, is having the last laugh, a grim and cynical chuckle that is more of a lament than a celebration. The youth of Sanctimonia, a generation of Gen Z netizens, are watching this unfolding farce. Perhaps, the jester thinks, it is time for an uprising.
