Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 9 December 2025
Hark, ye perpetually protein-deficient and statistically traumatized citizens of Sanctimonia!
Our King, a man who believes that a change of scenery is as good as a change of policy, has embarked on a grand pilgrimage to his ancestral village. The spectacle is truly something to behold—a grand chariot rolling through the dust, carrying the weight of the crown and the even heavier weight of political ambition.
But cast your weary eyes closer at this royal procession. Who sits beside our monarch, waving with practiced benevolence? It is none other than the sulking Law Minister and the grinning Party Chief. While the paid crowds chant “Long live the King,” the grapevine whispers that these two “Kingsmen” are not there to protect the throne, but to measure it. They are the Cassius and Casca of our times, their eyes gleaming not with loyalty, but with the calculation of succession, waiting for the political wheel to turn just enough to throw the driver off.
The Voltage of Vegetables
Meanwhile, back in the capital, our Agriculture Minister—who also doubles as the Deputy Chief Minister—has found a shocking new way to ignore the plight of the farmer. While the granaries rot and the crop storage facilities crumble like old ruins, he is nowhere to be found in the fields.
Instead, he is spotting attending a high-profile “Energy Seminar,” waxing eloquent about currents and conductors. He is far more keen on collaborating in the energy sector than looking into the collaboration in the agricultural sector. Perhaps he believes he can electrocute the vegetables into staying fresh, or maybe he hopes to power the kingdom with the hot air generated by his speeches. The farmers, holding their unsold harvest, are left to wonder if their minister thinks “current affairs” refers only to electricity.
The Statistician of Sorrow
And what of the governance? The King has returned from his waving session to perform his new favorite trick: Recitation of Doom. He stands before the court and simply reads the data—suicide rates, job vacancies, and the horrific atrocities against women.
He presents these grim figures not as problems to be solved, but as a weather report, as if he is merely an observer of the chaos rather than the one tasked with ending it. He offers numbers, but no solutions; he offers data, but no defense. The women of the kingdom look for a shield and are given a spreadsheet.
The Gilli Danda Governance
The teachers, the very architects of Sanctimonia’s future, stand in the streets, their demands for fair wages falling on deaf ears. Why? Because the Education Minister is otherwise engaged. He is glued to the magical viewing box, obsessing over the upcoming “Gilli Danda” match between the Super Kingdom and a kingdom far away in the sea. To him, the score of a game is far more pressing than the score of a student’s exam. The backbone of the nation is snapping, but as long as the Super Kingdom hits a six, the minister is content.
The Golden Yolk of Inflation
To cap this comedy of errors, the kitchen has become a luxury resort. The King has lost all control over the food prices. The humble egg, once the poor man’s protein, has skyrocketed in price, costing more than a small gemstone. The netizens are being effected, cracking open their wallets just to crack open a shell.
The Jester, watching from the sidelines as the Leader of the Opposition, laughs a bitter laugh. He sees a King surrounded by conspirators, a farmer chasing electricity, a teacher ignored for a game, and a populace that cannot afford an omelet.
Oh, God save the kingdom from its own leaders!
