Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 17 November 2025
Hark, ye perpetually bewildered and statistically bamboozled citizens of Sanctimonia!
The kingdom’s political arena has delivered a truly bewildering result in the Nuapada by-election, proving once again that in Sanctimonia, a victory is merely a new source of royal confusion. Our King is indeed a happy man, his chest thumping with the triumphant rhythm of a secured chair and a confirmed numero uno position in the party.
Yet, standing adjacent to this royal elation, and somehow managing to outshine it, is the spectacle of the Jester – our esteemed leader of the opposition – who is reportedly dancing around the capital with a joy that can only be described as seismic. His candidate lost by a monumental margin of over 83,000 votes, a defeat that has apparently filled him with more glee than a successful one-liner. This paradox has left the King utterly confounded, pacing his castle and wondering if this massive defeat is, in fact, an intricate political ploy. The whispers are already circulating: is the victorious candidate merely a Trojan horse, a new mole and go-between, tasked with facilitating the next secretive, behind-the-tree meeting between the King and the Jester?
Triumph and Treason in the Capital
The Super King, meanwhile, is undoubtedly pleased with the win, but his gaze is already fixed on a greater prize: his Anugul man (a local success story) who has masterfully secured the Super King’s political power in the far, far land of Bihar. In Sanctimonia, it seems, foreign success trumps local victory when it comes to the Super King’s approbation.
As for the conspirators, their activity continues in gloriously baffling ways. Our dear friend, the perpetually sulking Law Minister, has vanished from the public eye once more. However, this time he is not claiming to be attending to Habhisialis duties, but rather has embarked on a solemn pilgrimage to the Mecca of Spreadsheets—the Microsoft headquarters. His noble mission is to take advanced training on digital inventory management, apparently so he can finally keep an accurate track of the Holy Triad’s Royal Treasury. While the Law Minister is busy mastering the arcane arts of pivot tables, the Brutus of the temple administration is, naturally, left in charge. The inventory, we can only presume, is in the safest possible hands.
A new, more chilling whisper has reached the grapevine: Casca, the deadlier member of the original conspiracy (and a figure whose movements are usually shrouded in mystery), is now coming to the forefront, reportedly planning the first, decisive stroke. This has led to the ultimate question in Sanctimonian political analysis: Is the Law Minister simply solidifying his treasonous alliance with a new conspirator, or is he genuinely so distraught that he can no longer stand the man who once cared for him, prompting a seismic shift in his loyalties?
Ministerial Mayhem and the Money Pit
While the political daggers are being sharpened, the administrative ministers are busy with their own brand of organised chaos. The Urban and Revenue Minister—a man whose grand plans for land consolidation are constantly thwarted by land mafias – is once again up to his antiques. He is preparing for new land laws, an announcement that has served as a dinner bell for every land mafia in the kingdom. Lo and behold! They are now streaming into his office, showing their allegiance with small, carefully packaged gifts, accompanied by sizeable amounts of cash and other valuables. The grapevine is giddy with the latest scoop: the Minister, fully aware of the scale of his impending windfall, has reportedly sent an urgent request to the Jodrej company for a state-of-the-art, treasury-grade safe just to hold his new wealth.
The Sports Minister, taking a cue from a local, historically improbable ‘Lagan-style’ match, is now desperately trying to get his act right. He is currently scouring the kingdom for the most expensive, most technologically advanced, and frankly, most inappropriate pair of shoes, all so he can walk around the playing pitch with an aura of competence and authority.
And finally, in a feat of economic wizardry that defies all common sense, the Agriculture Minister is diligently preparing to bring in a massive potato cultivation program. His promise to the farmers is a masterpiece of circular logic: this potato farming will be so profitable that the extra money earned will allow the netizens and farmers to finally afford the skyrocketing price of milk. The mathematical elegance of this solution—where the price of one staple vegetable must soar to offset the cost of another staple dairy product—is a testament to Sanctimonia’s unique economy.
The netizens, caught between a deliriously happy loser, a treasonous spreadsheet enthusiast, a new conspiracy, and a potato-based dairy solution, are utterly in awe but remain in a deep, collective slumber. They still look to the heaven, hoping for the Holy Triad to deliver them from the bewildering spectacle of their earthly leaders.
