Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 13 October 2025
Hark, ye perpetually harried and virtually warring citizens of Sanctimonia! Our King is a man deeply worried—not by the chaos within, but by the negative press coming from a neighboring kingdom ruled by the “Iron Lady.” The trigger? An assault on a Sanctimonia lady student there. The resultant conflict is a glorious, petty war of words fought across factual, verbal, and virtual fronts, expertly managed by the Kingsmen and Queenswomen.
The Great Genders’ Safety Solutions
Instead of coordinating efforts to catch the criminal, both rulers issued absurd, deflectionary decrees. The Iron Lady, the “Queen,” decreed that they have imposed curfew, declaring that after evening, no woman will move out. Her solution: punish the entire gender for one man’s crime.
Our King, not to be outdone in absurdity, countered with his own brilliant measure: he has ordered that matchboxes and inflammable material will not be sold to women. The underlying, horrifying implication is that the King fears his own female citizens might prefer self-immolation to the unsafe streets, or worse, he is preemptively blaming the victim for any future tragedy. Thus, the kingdom is now “safe” because the means of protest or self-harm are removed from the victims, not because the streets are secure.
Nuapada’s Chess Game and the Economic Pain
Meanwhile, the reality of political survival demands attention. The by-election in Nuapada has become a high-stakes war of strategy between the King and the Jester. Every move is tactical, every promise calibrated, with both sides desperate for a win that proves their ultimate authority.
But while they play their game, the vegetables are costing high and so is the milk. The basic needs of life are out of reach because the leaders are prioritizing endless, unproductive meetings over finding real solutions. The virtual fights between the Kingsmen and Queenswomen consume all official time and state resources.
Law Minister’s Historical Hijinks
The ongoing corruption is getting beautifully complicated. The Law Minister and Brutus, far from worrying about justice, have found a thrilling new activity: the restoration of old film records. Their current target? Any records they can find hidden in the Royal Treasury. The plot thickens: they are either trying to restore evidence of past glories to justify their current theft, or, more sinisterly, they are creating new “historical” records to legitimize Brutus’s eventual claim. The poor Netizens, caught between absurd decrees and confusing conspiracies, are left utterly bewildered, unsure whether to fear an assault on their safety or an assault on their history.
God save the kingdom, indeed, as the King and the Queen, locked in their petty war of words, forget that their kingdoms are literally collapsing beneath their feet.
