Satyanarayan Mohapatra, Bhubaneswar, 24 May 2024
Welcome, dear viewers, to the latest episode of “The Great Intellectual Smack Down!” Tonight, we’re thrilled to witness two esteemed schools of thought clash in a battle of wits, where the stakes are high, the egos are inflated, and the actual substance is… well, that’s up for debate.
In this corner, we have the “Post-Modern Deconstructionists,” a group known for their love of jargon, obscure references, and the uncanny ability to make the simplest concepts sound utterly incomprehensible. Their motto? “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.” And in the opposing corner, we have the “Neo-Classical Revivalists,” a group who yearn for the good old days when things were simpler, art was meaningful, and Twitter wasn’t a thing. Their battle cry? “Make philosophy great again!” (We’re still waiting on that hat.)
Tonight’s topic of debate: “The Existential Implications of Avocado Toast.” (We’re not making this up, folks.) The Post-Modern Deconstructionists argue that avocado toast is a symbol of late-stage capitalism, a manifestation of millennial angst, and a commentary on the commodification of food. They even have a PowerPoint presentation with diagrams and graphs to prove it.
The Neo-Classical Revivalists counter that avocado toast is simply a delicious breakfast option, a testament to human ingenuity, and a reminder that life is too short to worry about the philosophical implications of your brunch. They bring a platter of freshly made avocado toast to the debate, because, well, why not?
As the debate rages on, it becomes increasingly clear that neither side has any real answers, just a lot of cleverly worded opinions and a burning desire to prove the other wrong. They throw around terms like “hegemony,” “semiotics,” and “cultural appropriation” with the casualness of ordering a latte.
The audience, meanwhile, is left scratching their heads, wondering if they accidentally stumbled into a graduate-level philosophy seminar or a particularly pretentious episode of “Top Chef.”
As the debate reaches its climax, the Post-Modern Deconstructionists accuse the Neo-Classical Revivalists of being out of touch, elitist, and avocado-phobic. The Neo-Classical Revivalists retaliate by calling the Post-Modern Deconstructionists pretentious, jargon-obsessed, and, worst of all, guilty of avocado overkill.
And so, the Great Intellectual Smack down concludes, not with a bang, but with a whimper. Neither side has truly won, but both have succeeded in wasting everyone’s time and proving that sometimes, the most heated debates are the ones with the least substance!
As we bid farewell to our esteemed panelists, let us remember the immortal words of the great philosopher Homer Simpson: “Don’t you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?”
Perhaps, dear viewers, the real lesson here is that sometimes, it’s okay to just enjoy your avocado toast without overthinking about it. After all, life is too short to worry about the existential implications of your breakfast. But if you do find yourself pondering the meaning of life while spreading avocado on toast, remember, you’re not alone. Just don’t expect to find any real answers on a debate stage.
