Vipul Agarwal, Delhi, June 19 2023
There is a constant struggle between “social approval” and “individual freedom” taking place inside us. During evolution, human beings not only survived the wild animals and toughest of the circumstances due to living together in communities. These communities stay united with a very deep-rooted need for “social approval” hardwired in our minds. We feel instinctively insecure with social criticism and disapproval from peers. On the other hand, there is a deep desire to live life freely. We do not want to be bound or limited by the community rules. We want to live freely and do whatever we wish to.
This conflict was not so common in traditional societies. There was not much physical movement. Marriages used to take place within the community. People were not exposed to different communities. As against this, in today’s world, we are excessively exposed to the entire world through social media, the internet, cheap and fast modes of transportation, inter-regional and cross-cultural marriages, and easy availability of information. As we interact with friends in different countries, we understand that many community rules are out of context.
Earlier it was difficult for an individual to think of living without community support. Right from getting the means of livelihood to physical safety, entertainment and recreation, individuals grossly depended upon the community. In today’s world, ecosystems are developing in such a manner that an individual does not need the direct support of community members for all these needs. Physical safety is no longer an issue, especially in big towns. With a good education, individuals get the employment of their choice. Individuals interact with friends living across the continents virtually. People have so many means of recreation, such as, movies, theatre, and online games. With these changes in the support system, individuals are less dependent upon the communities and are more vocal about their freedom.
However, most of us still struggle when it comes to a decision between “social approval” and “individual freedom”. These conflicts are felt while making day-to-day decisions. Whether to spare time for social functions or to attend an urgent meeting at the office? Whether to follow the community rituals or not? Whether to marry a partner as per the rules set by the community or to marry one’s beloved? Whether to follow the rights and wrongs dictated by society or to evaluate them and follow what appears logical?
It all depends upon our philosophy of life. If we live life with an understanding that the purpose of our life is to have fun and enjoyment, then we will try to maximize the same. We will just calculate whether we will have more fun and enjoyment by complying with the “social norms” or by exercising “individual freedom”, wherever exists conflict between them. Sometimes, we will compromise our present fun and enjoyment for “delayed gratification”. So we may agree to comply with some of the social norms, even at the cost of our fun and enjoyment, to get community security during a difficult time. So long as this calculation goes inside the mind, the decision depends upon the perception of risk, the experiences of individuals, and the circumstances. If we feel that the purpose of life is not to have just sensual pleasures but to live life with awareness to explore the full potential of this body and mind, we face different types of conflicts.
We feel more such conflicting situations in our life, especially when our level of consciousness grows and the consciousness of society has not grown accordingly. All spiritual seekers face such conflicts each day. Whether to attend parties or to spend time reading books and practicing meditation? Whether to interact with relatives about routine and mundane matters or to meet people that explore new ideas and concepts? Whether to invest time and energy in establishing a network with powerful people or to observe the futility of power itself? Whether to accumulate more knowledge and information or to realize the limitations of all knowledge?
It’s an ongoing struggle. Probably this struggle will always keep going. These are two opposite forces drawing an individual in two different directions. Two different movements within. In most cases, the individual does not gather the courage and strength to face the disapproval from society. Probably because the strength of his “Sadhana” +Mental Resolve) is weak. “Sadhana” is weak because either “Vairagya” (Detachment from physical and sensory pleasure) is not strong or there is laziness and indecisiveness. As “Sadhana” gains strength, the need for social approval drops automatically and the individual can carry on its spiritual pursuit in spite of the disapproval from the society.
