Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 15 June 2025
Sanctimonia’s Milk Muddle and Millet Mayhem: A Royal Retreat, Rising Prices, and a Promise of a “Super” Solution
Hark, ye perpetually perplexed citizens of Sanctimonia! The sacred fortnight of celestial slumber has begun, as our revered Holy Triad, having concluded their ritualistic bath, have gracefully entered their hibernation for fourteen days. A time of quiet contemplation for the divine, perhaps, but a period of profound consternation for the mortals left behind.
Our king, having returned to the capital, now finds himself in a familiar state of regal anxiety. His gaze, however, is not fixed on spiritual matters, but on the calendar. For our Law Minister, a man whose ambition often outpaces his administrative prowess, is now frantically counting down the days. His grand promise to repair the holy chest room of the Holy Triad – a task of immense spiritual and structural significance – must be completed by the auspicious Rath Yatra. The burning question on every Sanctimonian’s lip, even those still recovering from the last round of royal policies, is a resounding: Can he achieve it? The smart money, alas, remains firmly on “doubtful.”
Meanwhile, in a display of what was surely intended as benevolent statesmanship, the king, on International Milk Day no less, magnanimously declared an increase of three rupees in the procurement price of milk from our diligent farmers. A favour? A political gimmick? In Sanctimonia, such distinctions are as blurry as the Law Minister’s current project deadline. The immediate repercussion, however, was as clear as freshly poured milk: the kingdom’s milk suppliers, with the efficiency of a well-oiled milking machine, promptly increased the retail price by two rupees.
“Ha ha!” goes the collective voice of the netizens, their laughter a mix of amusement and despair. “Our king knows neither economics nor budgeting!” they chant, their cynical assessment echoing through the city’s market lanes. It seems His Majesty’s grasp of supply and demand is as firm as a particularly watery paneer.
Adding to the unfolding comedy of errors, the king has grandly inaugurated the ‘Vikas Mela’ – a “Development Fair” – which, upon closer inspection, appears to have nothing substantial to show. His primary advice to the gathered populace? To embrace the “super food,” millet. The netizens, however, are a worried lot. “Millet?” they whisper, their eyes widening at the thought of its astronomical cost. What was once the humble staple of the impoverished has now, thanks to its “super food” designation, become a delicacy reserved for the supra-rich. Our Super Agriculture Minister, normally brimming with enthusiasm for all things agrarian, is conspicuously silent, offering no answers to this dietary conundrum.
And the everyday consequences? Our official tea booths, bastions of local discourse and caffeine, are now embroiled in heated skirmishes with their patrons. The reason? They demand an “extra buck” for tea, citing the king’s increased milk prices. The cries of “What will happen to the kingdom?” echo across every tea stall.
To which our king, with a serene smile that belies the chaos, offers a singular, calming (or utterly confusing) reply: “Wait for the Super King. He is coming very soon, and things will straighten out.” Lo and behold! The netizens, already reeling from disappearing deadlines, fluctuating milk prices, and unaffordable millet, are now more confused than ever. The promise of a “Super King” solving all ills simply adds another layer of bewildered anticipation to Sanctimonia’s already bewildering existence. God save us, indeed, from such grand, yet utterly opaque, solutions!
