Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 5 January 2026
Hark, ye perpetually parched and ceremonially snubbed citizens of Sanctimonia! As the calendar turned to a new year, our King, in a display of what can only be described as royal schizophrenia, wished the realm a “Happy New Year” while simultaneously slamming the palace gates shut against the very people he claims to lead.
The Edict of Empty Hands
The royal diktat for the first day of the year was as chilling as a winter mist over the River Khatajodi: no citizens, no ministers, and – most tragically – no sweets or gifts were permitted within the Secretariat. In the royal mind, it seems, the elimination of a sugar rush is the first step toward “strong administration.” However, while the common folk were forbidden from offering so much as a symbolic cardamom pod, the King himself was spotted in a whirlwind of curated photo opportunities, proving once again that in Sanctimonia, a well-lit smile is the highest form of policy.
Chilled Paddy and Hot Hockey
Our Deputy Chief Minister for Agriculture, a man whose hands should be stained with the honest soil of paddy procurement, was instead found basking in the stadium light. Ignoring the desperate pleas of farmers and the mounting piles of unpurchased grain, he chose the “gladiator fights” of the India Hockey League. Flanked by the corporate titans of Vedanta, he demonstrated that while the kingdom’s silos may be empty, his portfolio of high-profile sponsors is overflowing.
Eco-Tourism or Kin-Tourism?
Not to be outdone in the theater of the absurd, our other Deputy Chief Minister has been busy carving up the kingdom’s greenery under the guise of eco-tourism. The grapevine, that ever-reliable messenger of inconvenient truths, whispers that these scenic inaugurations are less about preserving nature and more about preserving her nephew’s clout with wealthy investors. It is truly a marvel of modern governance: transforming the “natural soul” of the state into a private playground for family favorites.
The Law Minister’s Labyrinth
In the shadows of the temple, the Law Minister has been busy rewarding his fellow conspirators. He has successfully parachuted the infamous Casca into a high government post, a move that smells more of “greasy deals” than legal rectitude. Casca, eager to earn his keep, has issued a magnificent promise: the Sri Mandir queue shall remain undisturbed.
“Devotees may now expect a line so transparent it practically vanishes—along with the accountability for the royal treasure room ledger.”
A Kingdom on the Brink
While our leaders trade in photo ops and family favors, the netizens are left to count the cost of their “celestial disorder.”
- Hourly Tragedies: Road accidents claim lives with a regularity that our ministers can only envy for their own projects.
- Stratosheric Inflation: The prices of daily commodities have reached stratospheric heights, making a modest turnip cost a King’s ransom.
- The Final Refuge: With the earthly administration either “incognito” or “in a tizzy,” the citizens have officially transferred their hopes to the Holy Triad.
As the Jester – our former monarch turned critic – continues his “silent giggles” from the sidelines, Sanctimonia remains a kingdom where the only thing on track is the next plot of betrayal.
