Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 28 September 2025
Hark, ye perpetually bewildered and financially challenged citizens of Sanctimonia! The grand visit from the Super King has concluded, but the ripple effects of his “gifts” are causing tectonic shifts in the kingdom’s absurdity index.
The Super King, bless his heart, inaugurated a magnificent chariot—a special train—set to travel to Gujarat. The bitter, bitter irony is that this train is starting from the very town known for its high migrant population. The gift is not a new economic lifeline, but a highly subsidized, state-sponsored “Train Ticket to Exodus,” officially acknowledging that Sanctimonia offers no jobs for its youth. The netizens, who had hoped for factories, now have a more efficient way for their unemployed kids to leave, making them a profoundly worried lot.
Urban Chaos and Educational Farce
Our Urban Minister is a sight to behold—harried, frantic, and dripping with metaphorical shame. His own constituency is completely flooded, yet he blames the entire disaster on the Jester’s “dividing policies.” It seems infrastructure failure is now the fault of comedy.
Meanwhile, the Education Minister has reached peak theatrical governance. To show they are taking a “judicious approach” to appointments, they’ve decreed that all teacher postings and promotions must pass an entrance exam. The transparency is immediately suspect, as their own wives are suddenly taking the exams, presumably to demonstrate to the kingdom how truly impartial—and academically brilliant—the Minister’s household is.
The lack of real urban activity has forced the Urban Ministry to resort to organizing costly, private “International Trade Fairs” and Dandiya for Navratri. The entry fees have doubled, making them inaccessible to the common person, who now prefers the affordable sustenance and camaraderie of the local Khao Gali (food street) rather than the glitzy isolation of a royal festival.
Law and Order Goes Incognito
The state of law and order is a complete mess. Boyfriends and male relatives who abet the suicides of women and ladies are easily getting bail. Why? Because the Law Minister is giving his back to the courts and the queries of the netizens. He is currently busy securing the Holy Lord’s jewelry into the Royal Treasury, a task of paramount, if baffling, importance. Having completed this sacred heist, he has now announced he will be busy with the Habhisialis for the entire Kartik month, effectively going incognito for months. The entire legal system stops because the Law Minister needs a spiritual vacation.
Adding to the administrative standstill, all land work in the Urban Ministry has ceased because the Tahsildars are on a training spree, attending endless workshops and seminars, ensuring that no actual land sale or transfer can occur.
Above all, student suicides are rising due to a severe lack of counseling, with the Education Minister remaining blissfully ignorant. He outsources all thought to the Odisha Research Center, another of the Super King’s minister’s great goofs. The citizens are left to conclude that in Sanctimonia, the government will happily fund a train ticket out, but never an honest solution in.
