Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 8 September 2025
Hark, ye perpetually bewildered and politically exhausted citizens of Sanctimonia! Our kingdom has been plunged into a new state of chaos, all for the sake of a vice-presidential vote in the Super Kingdom. Our king, our King-maker, and our Jester have all rushed to the capital, leaving our kingdom to its own devices. But in a twist only possible in Sanctimonia, the Jester and his loyal followers have decided to abstain from the vote, a move that will surely lead to a dizzying array of political permutations and mathematical combinations that no one, least of all the netizens, can comprehend.
Our king, it seems, goes to the Super King’s capital at his every beck and call. And whenever he is asked a question, his main Kingsman—the Chief Secretary—is the one who answers. It is as if our king has outsourced his entire personality. To add to the absurdity, the palace back home is empty more often than not, and the grapevine whispers that the king is making clandestine trips to the super capital. An awkward and embarrassing situation arose when he accidentally ran into the King-maker and the Jester, a meeting that must have been as uncomfortable as a tea party with a cobra.
Ministers’ Moment of Madness
Taking advantage of the king’s absence, our Law Minister has, in a display of breathtaking audacity, decreed that all the roads in the twin cities will be repaired before the festive season. Never mind that the Urban Minister, who is supposed to be in charge, knows nothing of this. More interestingly, this “repair” is happening during a torrential downpour, with the cement and asphalt flowing down the drain faster than our kingdom’s hopes. Is it that the contractors have a secret deal with the Law Minister? The netizens can only shake their heads and wonder at the spectacle of public money literally going down the drain.
Meanwhile, our Sports Minister has given up his certificate-giving spree. He is now preoccupied with a far more pressing problem: he cannot tell the difference between the leather used for original “Hush Puppies” and the duplicate ones. In Sanctimonia, it seems, discerning a counterfeit dog shoe is more important than giving an athlete their due.
Netizens’ Nightmares
And as if all this weren’t enough, a new international crisis has erupted. A far-off land beyond the seven seas has raised a huge hue and cry as to why our Super King is buying whale oil from a forbidden land. A furious debate has broken out, with everyone pointing fingers at each other, a grand circus of misplaced blame.
Coming back to our kingdom of the holy triad, the netizens are now meticulously timing the queues to get a glimpse of the holy figures. Even though the taxes have been reduced, they are now worried that the Shylock business house will find a different way to increase prices. Their fears are not unfounded; the price of pumpkin has doubled, and they can no longer make their beloved dalma properly. Their only recourse is to pray to the Holy Triad for a future where their food is affordable and their leaders make some modicum of sense.
