Charudutta Panigrahi, Gurugram, 13 November 2022
When birds fly back to their nests, in a scramble, I feel melancholic at dusk. Their chattering, the changing hue of the sky, the reminder of a day gone by in life makes me more alive but also joggle me up. This is certainly not depression but a beautiful way of preening myself. It is beautiful because you stop there, at that point in time and go deeper. That is why we become quieter and tend to travel with our thoughts, experiences, incidents beyond the surrounding realms. The immediate environment transports you to your inner self. This sanctum sanctorum is always unchanged, stable, and unmoved. But we rarely visit our core. That visit when done is so refreshing, so exhilarating and throbbing that you remain there or at least a part of you is always an inhabitant there.
Some of us are affected by changing weather or little things around ourselves. Like a flowering plant or an un-seasonal dash of rain, with the earth smelling wet and real. Like a late-night drive with soulful music. Like a beautiful little girl begging and staring at you in strange bewilderment at the traffic light. For the sensitive, these moments are forever. But many do not notice these and are completely untouched. Melancholy happens to the introspective ones, mostly. Even if it happens for a moment, it runs deep and can be retrieved when conditions, both internal and external, trigger. I cherish the retrieval because that is when I am befriending myself through moods. There is an uncanny constancy in melancholy. Meditative. It is a realism which cocoons you from the vicissitudes of daily humdrum. It is an escape but a realistic one and not a decamp. Because in melancholy you are there, always present and experiencing. You are not abdicating and enjoying an artificial riddance.
Melancholy helps create art and abstract because it is the intersection of realism and surrealism. It is that point where you are within yourself which is perched in an ephemeral world. You know everything is supposed to slip by and yet every moment touches you and stays like a monument. You savour the ‘staying’ value of melancholy. It is certainly more real because it is yours, it is authentic. Contrary to quick judgments, melancholy often results in a sense of bonding with oneself. It makes one feel secured. Because the happiness around you is shallow and it is not yours. Not to say that happiness is avoidable and to be abhorred. Certainly not. But what I mean is that it depends on something, somebody. That is the reason why these days there are growing cases of external locus of control on your life. Externalities define your life. Material creatures have encroached our lives long back, and they are permanent squatters in us and the generations to come. It makes you dependent and even though you can feel happy for a few moments, the honeymoon gets over, much sooner than you had ever expected. Because the saturation also comes much faster. This lands you in a slump, but melancholy is neither depression nor superficiality. It is the point in between which is untouched by both the extremes.
Melancholy is more authentic because you are not dependent on anybody. It is yours, absolutely yours, and that is why many get creative when they are melancholic. Hugo has said that melancholy is the happiness of being sad. This helps us get over sadness or mental misery. Hence, a Guru Dutt could touch the inner emotional threads though his creations. P.B. Shelly, the English poet, has said that a poet is a nightingale who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Melancholy brings back confidence and could be a method of self-discovery. This comes with a great insight, that your sadness can help you more than your happiness. We never look at sadness closely. We avoid doing that. Slavery is not the natural, inherent desire of human beings. Sometimes, a situation or a woman or a man gives you joy, and you become dependent. At the same time, you are irritated or in a deep sense of hate because of dependence. So, life tends to blow hot and blow cold. Love your melancholy and you will start loving yourself and naturally propel yourself to contribute to the beauty all around.
Herman Hesse says aptly that, “I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us.” When you are melancholic, it is a momentous phenomenon. It is sacred, something of your own, personal. Say hello and get acquainted with it, go deeper into it, and you will be surprised with its beauty and fragrance. Sit silently when you are melancholic. Melancholia has its own beauties. It is silent and it is coming because you are alone. It is offering you the opportunity to travel deeper into yourself or your aloneness. I have witnessed it coming and have treated it as a friend. It has opened the doors of my eternal aloneness. There is no way not to be alone. We try to cloak our aloneness in many artificial ways, but we can delude ourselves, but we cannot succeed. And we are running away everywhere – in relationships, in ambition, and in everything.
Rather than hopping from one shallow happiness to another and let go of your unreturnable time, it is better to use melancholy as a means for meditation.
Yes, melancholy certainly matures and transforms!
This article had been published earlier elsewhere. It has been republished here with some modifications with the author’s consent.
