Sanctimonia Binocs, Bhubaneswar, 14 September 2025
Hark, ye perpetually bewildered and financially burdened citizens of Sanctimonia! Our king, a man who has decided that the only way to appear “in action” is to create new, utterly baffling projects, has returned with a grand vision. He is now thinking of starting a census for all the stray dogs, but in a sudden pivot that would give a royal camel whiplash, he has also decided to build world-class shelters for stray cattle.
The netizens, in their weary wisdom, know the only cow they have to worry about is the one that will be milked to pay for this absurd project: themselves. They are all too aware that the taxes they pay will ultimately feed these pampered bovines, while their own wallets grow thinner by the day.
Minister’s Mad Scramble
Our Law Minister, a man who seems to have finally found his way back to his office, is trying to create a new digital kingdom within Sanctimonia. All notarization, he has decreed, will now happen online, and all lawyers must register. This new and bewildering digital push comes at a terrible time for the minister. His promise of repairing the roads before the festive season has hit a major roadblock—the roads themselves. Low-pressure rains have washed away the shoddy repairs, and the contractors, those wily creatures, are nowhere to be found. They are hiding from the minister, who is in a tizzy, not knowing what to say to the netizens when he finally has to face them.
A Kingdom of Contradictions
In a move that is both confusing and terrifying, all government departments have been ordered to “understand AI,” but the king has not specified which AI. Due to a myriad of international tariffs and trade disputes, the best and most effective AI models are unavailable. Our leaders are left to grapple with an abstract concept that they cannot even properly define, a fitting metaphor for their governance.
The king is also grappling with a different kind of contradiction. The adulteration of milk is on the rise, a direct consequence of the ever-soaring prices. He is caught in a “catch-22” situation: if he lowers the prices, the adulteration will stop, but his tax coffers will be empty. If he keeps the prices high, the citizens will be left with no choice but to drink a watery, chemical-laced concoction.
But the most painful contradiction of all is the “Subhadra Jojana.” It seems there are countless names on the beneficiary lists, but when the authorities go to the ground, they find that the beneficiaries simply do not exist. This is another pain for the king, another problem he must pretend to solve. Now, everyone is waiting for the employment letters to be distributed by the king. But the netizens, ever worried, are filled with questions: what is the salary? Who are the real beneficiaries? And will these new jobs be as real as the ghostly names on the beneficiary lists?
